Jack Yesner Week 10 - The Imposter Syndrome
The end of the first semester of senior year is quickly approaching. This semester has been the root cause of my stress for the past few months, and I am glad it is nearly over. I tell myself that next semester will be less stressful because college applications are complete and schoolwork will be more relaxed, and I hope I am buying into it. But in reality, I know that I have told myself the future won’t be strenuous multiple times, and I end up regretting my past reassurances.
Throughout my life, I have strived for perfection. I could never start an assignment without a clear plan of what the finished product will look like, I had to rehearse anything spoken, and I never settled for less than 100% effort. But as I am approaching my final semester of school, I am starting to recognize that this is abnormal behavior. I unfortunately believe that I have developed some form of the Imposter Syndrome.
The Imposter Syndrome, which is also known as perceived fraudulence, occurs when a person believes that they are not deserving of success and do not hold up to people’s perceptions of them. A cycle occurs among people with Imposter Syndrome that can be fatal for their well-being. Wanting to feel like they deserve their place in society, the Syndrome sufferer will engage in new tasks and responsibilities, which cause anxiety and stress until they are completed. But even after the tasks are completed, the person feels as if they did not do a good job or does not deserve success associated with finishing the task. The cycle then repeats itself, and the person’s life worsens.
This cycle has been evident in my life with the college application process. I have heard countless times that colleges are super selective and only accept well-rounded students. I have thrown myself into more and more academic responsibilities to meet this standard. For example, I was already in a bunch of clubs and honor societies, but I felt obligated to join the ADL club as well to reassure myself that my resume was good enough. In addition, I scrutinize grades that I get, constantly needing to do better. A 92% is not a pat on the back in my brain, but an “I need to do better, my grade dropped a quarter of a percentage point”.
I understand that I am privileged to be in a position where I can be critical of good grades, but I still aspire to change this mental philosophy. I have tried to set clear boundaries to make sure I am not focused on school 24/7, but it is difficult to adhere to. My wish for the future is that I can let go of academic insecurities and be proud of what I accomplish.
Have you ever experienced the Imposter Syndrome or witnessed it in someone else? How do you deal with the urge to be perfect and the notion that you aren’t doing good enough?
I've certainly felt imposter Syndrome for years now. I used to have issues dealing with perfection in school, but for me this changed when I entered high school. I realized that if you place too much importance on your school work, you rarely have time to place importance on your own well-being. I'm not saying don't strive to be the best you can possibly be in school, but rather find a balance that keeps you happy. This imposter syndrome is hard to break, but with a conscience effort to place yourself first sometimes, and a willingness to accept that you've done the best you can, it's possible to overcome this.
ReplyDeleteI used to feel like this and the feeling does occasionally resurface. In the past, it was surrounding school and academic perfection. I slowly got through it by actually doing very poorly on many tests (thanks Mr. Belotto), but I soon realized that it wasn't the end of the world. I learned to value my time and happiness over the perfect academic reputation and I have no regrets. I still strive to get good grades and succeed, but to set limits and allow myself time to breath.
ReplyDeleteI used to feel this way back in Middle School when I would always meet with teachers after they had updated our grades. I was always looking to do better. I feel our society loves to tie numbers to our self worth. We need to be a certain size to be loved, have a certain amount of money to be successful, and need a certain grade to graduate. What happened to just being able to do a good job? This is not good for our mental well beings and we can’t live life to the fullest with this mindset. I sometimes have imposter syndrome, but I’ve been getting better. I just want to go to college at this point, and what happens after will be. Gam Zu L'tovah - This too is for the best
ReplyDeleteI have learned throughout my life that attaining perfection is impossible. This was definitely a tough pill for me to swallow because I have always wanted to be the best. I did not feel that my best was good enough and for that I would blame myself. After all of my internal self-blame I came to the conclusion that doing everything in your power to attain perfection when you know that in the end you will never see it at perfect, is a waste of time. With that mindset, I have created a new definition of perfect for myself. If you do your best, than regardless of what anyone says, your work is perfect, even if there are flaws.
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